Trying to Please Everyone and How Solution Focused Hypnotherapy Can Help

This time of year really taps into our tendency to ‘try-to-do-it-all’ or ‘try-to-please-everyone’! I see these twin troublemakers all the time in my clinic, and they are never helpful, but at Christmas, they run amok like cats in a Christmas tree!

The desire to try to please everyone is entirely understandable; most of us grow up learning that being helpful, kind, and accommodating makes us good people. And it does—kindness is powerful.

But somewhere along the way, many people slip into a pattern of over-pleasing: saying yes when they’re exhausted, keeping quiet to avoid conflict, absorbing other people’s emotions, or constantly scanning for approval, and this can take a toll on your emotional wellbeing. You might notice:

• Feeling responsible for everyone else’s feelings

• Difficulty saying no

• Fear of disappointing others

• Constant self-criticism

• Exhaustion from carrying too much for too long

When we feel the need to please everyone, it often comes from our emotional, survival-focused part of the brain. This part sees rejection or conflict as a threat—even when it isn’t. So it pushes you into patterns of trying to keep everyone happy, at the expense of your own wellbeing. Even when you know logically that balancing the desires of older relatives and younger children is an impossible task, somehow, you keep on trying!

The good news is; breaking free from people-pleasing isn’t about being selfish, it’s about becoming balanced, recognising that your needs, feelings, and boundaries are just as valid as anyone else’s.

When you stop trying to please everyone, something amazing happens; you remember how to trust yourself, saying ‘no’ when you need to and feeling ok about it! You start to understand the truth in the saying ‘you can’t pour from an empty cup’ and start filling your own cup first.

I use Solution Focused Hypnotherapy and coaching to help clients make positive changes, re-establish boundaries and increase their self-belief and confidence, to help them create a life that feels more aligned, authentic, and peaceful, even if Auntie Ethel hates your Christmas pudding!!

Candy x